Mindfulness, Compassion & Growth Mindset
As the proud owner of Riptide Counselling, I was honoured when New Brunswick Women In Business first reached out to ask if I would write a blog on mindfulness, compassion and growth mindset.
The practice of mindfulness, compassion and growth mindset has personally been helpful as I have worked hard to make a lifelong dream come true in Riptide Counselling.
Starting up a business is stressful. It requires a kind of thinking and foresight that is hard to achieve and at times not possible (yet). Riptide Counselling has been a culmination of my experience in terms of education, work experience, and the more passive knowledge gained from working in non-profit sectors, government and different private practices.
A business is so much more than your product. Often, it becomes overwhelming, or you lose sight of what the dream was, to begin with. I speak with a knowing because I, too, have become overwhelmed and lost sight of the dream in the process. Sometimes dreams change, and that is okay too.
The point is, in those moments of overwhelm and of losing sight: I go back to what I know to be true, both from the research available and in my own practice. I make space for my mind and body to regulate. Often, we regulate through connection (to self, other, present moment), which is where mindfulness comes into play. As I bring myself into the moment often by way of a grounding technique, it brings my full attention to the present moment, where I can acutely enjoy the moment in which I exist.
Without intention of presence in the present, our lives mainly live in the past or future, as we become planners or worriers. The funny thing about running a business is that the worry and knowledge of the past can be helpful. Similarly, planning for the future is often helpful, but it is only ever as beneficial as it is our ability to apply it to the here and now. So, where is the balance?
That balance, and often your best answers in business, comes from honouring those worries, those thoughts of future planning, and then returning to self, here and now in this moment and asking if it is serving you or having you begun serving it?
As you come to serve it, the stress and overwhelm become mounting rather than serve you. Take that as your sign to come back to self. Take the time to yourself to begin a self-practice of mindfulness. In the overwhelm and stress, it is easy to say "I can't," or "I've failed," or "It can never be" – it begins to affect your growth mindset, which is so crucial in a world of business, where failure is often just the stepping stone to something better. My ability to see failure as a stepping stone, rather than the end, directly impacts my ability to pivot, as a self, and as a business.
Riptide Counselling had its own false start (twice over) throughout the pandemic. It was originally intended as a part-time business, but here I am, full-time, fully invested, fully immersed in Riptide Counselling. With both false starts, I learned greatly. And yet, here I am, here it is, because failure was just an indication for a pause and a pivot.
You can do this too - the pausing, the pivoting, the redefining of failure. It's a practice I'm still not perfect at, and moments where I still feel overwhelmed and revert to a stuck mindset is where I remember to offer compassion to myself. In moments where I begin to judge or say "I can't" or worry "I'm not good enough." Compassion to self requires the here and now of mindfulness while honouring who you are just as you are. Flaws and all.
In moments where I can begin to notice that I need more self-compassion, noticing is a part of the practice of awareness but also a helpful tool in mindfulness. The most beautiful thing about self-compassion, including offering yourself grace and forgiveness, is that as you begin to offer this to self, your brain begins to rewire itself in all of these ways too. Over time, compassion, mindfulness and growth mindset become easier.
Having true self-compassion can be a struggle for many, especially depending upon your attachment style. This is where Emotionally Focused Therapy comes into play. As you dive deep into the rejected places and pieces of you that cause shame, you begin to reclaim them for yourself and your life. It becomes a new way of living and newfound emotional freedom.
It's normal not to be able to walk into those places of shame and guilt alone. It's normal to need external regulation, and it's normal to be afraid. What Riptide Counselling offers is a new experience while being held emotionally, to walk into those spaces of brokenness, and begin to give them space and life in a way in which you can accept them... and love them.
Ultimately, this kind of acceptance provides long-lasting compassion for self and thus compassion for others. As a result, it becomes easier to set boundaries, give and show care to others, make space in your life for what matters, and achieve the growth mindset you are looking for to change your way of experiencing life.
When you think about using the techniques of mindfulness, compassion and growth mindset, it is also part of the human experience to compare yourself to others and your journey to others. Ultimately, this is not helpful, and comparison pulls you out of the space of growth. In those moments, a gentle reminder to offer compassion to yourself in the process and come back to the here and now of accepting yourself as you are.
Your biggest competition has and always will be your mind. The question is, can you access the heart to conquer it? So many things in this world are finite, but the practice of mindfulness, compassion and growth mindset spurs on infinite possibilities in your own life and your business. As we rewire our brains, we begin to experience the world differently. It's a beautiful view.
If you're looking for a place to increase these skills, process a life struggle, or experience a deeper connection with someone in your life (partner, family, child), consider reaching out to Riptide Counselling. We would love to meet you.
In the words of O. Hobart Mowrer: "The emotions do not deserve being put in opposition with "intelligence." The emotions are themselves a higher order of intelligence."
Christie Frenette, MSW, RSW
Owner of Riptide Counselling
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